Everyone expresses and experiences love differently. Some people need quality time together to feel loved, others need thoughtful gifts, and still others need physical touch. The ways we give and receive love are called “love languages.” And while you might think you know your partner’s love language, you might be surprised to learn that you don’t. In fact, many couples go through life without ever truly understanding how their partner likes to receive love. But there are ways to discover your partner’s love language without asking them directly. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Pay attention to the way they express love to you.
If your partner is always putting their arm around you or holding your hand, it’s likely that physical touch is their primary love language. If they frequently leave little notes for you or surprise you with surprises, then gifts are probably their thing. And if they want to spend every waking minute with you or are always finding little ways to help you out, then chances are their love language is quality time. By paying attention to the way your partner expresses love to you, you can get a pretty good idea of what their own love language might be.
2. Consider the things they complain about the most.
We all have different pet peeves, and when we feel like our partner isn’t meeting our needs in a particular area, it can be frustrating. So if your partner is always complaining about how you never spend any time together, it’s likely that quality time is their primary love language. If they’re always griping about how you never buy them anything, then gifts are probably their thing. And if they’re forever nagging you about not being affectionate enough, then it’s likely that physical touch is their main form of expressing love.
3. Think about the things they do that make you feel most loved.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If there’s something your partner does that always makes you feel loved and cherished, chances are it ties into their own primary love language. So if having long conversations deep into the night makes you feel loved and appreciated, then quality time is probably their thing. If receiving heartfelt gifts on special occasions fills you up with warmth and happiness, then gifts are likely their primary form of expressing love. And if being hugged and kissed often makes you feel loved and desired, then it’s probable that physical touch is their main way of showing affection.
Understanding your partner’s love language can be incredibly helpful in sustaining a happy and healthy relationship for the long haul. It can also help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the road.